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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?